hpkinkfest | Deliver Us From Evil

crazyparakiss.livejournal.com posting in

Title: Deliver Us From Evil
Author: crazyparakiss
My own prompt:
Kink Showcased:Knife play and incest (I am going to special hell)
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Sirius Black/Regulus Black
Summary: I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three.
Warnings: Knife play, blood, incest, religion?
Word Count: 1300 approximately
Author's Notes: This is not meant to offend anyone. Major use of the Lord ’s Prayer. They say it often anyways. And as my Latin is not superb, I got on wiki to get this prayer in Latin. So that means it might not even be the Lord ’s Prayer. So forgive me if it isn’t right.

I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.

There is something missing, he feels the deep aching emptiness of it as he walks the shadowed grounds. Racking his brain he cannot find the void; so there will be no tourniquet to stop the invisible bleed. It is aggravating, causing a loneliness that others do not and cannot understand. Try as he might to explain the words always fail him. Night camouflages the glassy surface of the lake so well that he almost forgets, yet as he hovers on the edge the thick blankets of grey clouds part to reveal his danger. He pauses, turning curious eyes upon the luminous face of Lady Luna. He swears he sees her wink. Wishing he could ask her all the secrets of the universe, he lays on the damp bank and watches as she disappears once more beneath her solid veil.

It is unusual for him to be about while his friends lie sleeping in their warm plush beds. For too long he has existed solely within the mentality of that group. As he stares up at the few diamond stars peaking through the tattered edges of woolly clouds he wonders if he’s lost his sense of self. Long pale fingers caress his beaded chain and already he feels tranquillity wash over him, yet he doesn’t understand why.

His hand wraps around the ancient rosary while the words come as naturally as the breaths that unconsciously keep him alive.

“Our Father who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us,
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.”

Lady Luna shaded by the substantially hazy coverings has left him alone, and he wonders if God has abandoned him as well. Pondering the soul consuming gap he cannot plug on his own he asks, “Why did you take my light?”

I sought my God, but my God eluded me.

Home, again, for the summer means that he is forced to endure the long sermons at mass. His mother in her expensive high, stiff necked dress sits solemnly next to his father who wears his usual stuffy collared suit. Bitterly he questions what time era his parents truly came from. His younger brother sits to his mother’s right and he sits to his father’s left, with their parents sandwiched between the two. He steeples his hands and kneels on the cushioned bar along with the rest of the family, but nothing fills him up. There is no God in this chapel who listens to him and his need for direction. Here he finds more emptiness. If his parents could hear his silent prayers they too would know that he conveys that feeling unto the God they worship. He doesn’t believe in this life or this God anymore. For if God were here, he summarizes, I wouldn’t feel so torn.

Soon his parents leave, gone to speak to the Father to give their confessions, and also to bribe him for his forgiveness with the weight of their gold purses. He sneers and thinks, “God if you can hear me know that I think you no better than Voldemort. For you too allow yourself to be bought with wealth and power. I will never want what your heaven has to offer.”

Pity is all he can feel as he looks upon the black hair curtaining the, bowed, snow white face of his little brother. They used to be so similar, and now they are so very different. He knows his brother feels encouraged, inspired, so unlike himself, who feels so very hollow and disheartened. He watches the way soft black lashes kiss a porcelain perfect cheek and remembers how this boy had always been the one to tell him, “Good will come. Even if they try to beat it out of you; you must never forget that. Your goodness. Your innate kindness... He feels like sneering, as he had then, but he really wants to believe. He smiles cynically, “How utterly childish I am.” When he turns his attention back to the giant crucifix, dominating the wall behind the organ, he hears his brother’s soft plea with the Almighty.

“ Pater noster, qui es in caelis:
Sanctificetur Nomen Tuum;
Adveniat Regnum Tuum;
Fiat voluntas Tua,
Sicut in caelo, et in terra.
Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie;
Et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
Sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris;
Et ne nos inducas in tentationem;
Sed libera nos a Malo.”

He watches as the long pale fingers of his brother’s right hand raise to cross himself. His pulse quickens, frightening him and when the younger boy stands to leave he whispers, “ Libera nos a Malo, deliver us from evil.” He too crosses himself before standing from his kneeling position. As he walks to join the line for confessions he tries not to dwell on the momentary relief of filling absolute, whole.

I sought my brother and I found all three.

The blade moves through the layers of skin easily, as if a hot knife through butter, spilling out ribbons of crimson that trickle along the column of a pallid marble arm. A sigh beneath him drags his line of sight away from the grotesquely beautiful river of red. “Sirius,” the voice a hoarse timbre of lust and affirmation.

“ Regulus.” He responds, his lips grazing the sweating temple of his nirvana. “I have you now.” Lowering his tongue to lap at one of the few lines he has delicately carved, he says, “This is my brand, my way of owning you.” The coppery taste of Regulus’ blood is heavenly saccharine.

His younger brother, lover, Regulus moves nuzzling that haunting face against his neck; he can feel a smile against the sensitive skin there, “You always did.”

As he carves more intricate lines against his lover’s moon white skin Sirius feels at peace. For the first time in a long time, yet he knows there will be a storm and he knows they will not over come it but for now this is enough. For these are ties that cannot be undone, the wounds will heal but the scars will remain. Forever those scars will give them deliverance.

Against his brother’s ear he whispers:
“Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name,
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done.
On earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us,
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.”

Regulus presses a chaste kiss against his wet lips, “ Libera nos a Malo, deliver us from evil.”

Together they whisper, “Amen.”
Epilogue

“Good will come. Even if they try to beat it out of you; you must never forget it. Your goodness. Your innate kindness, my Sirius. They can never tame you. Never let them tame your spirit...”
It is not the battle or the heart wrenching scream Harry releases from his lungs; it is his paradise, his Regulus that he hears as he slips away beneath the veil.
“Libera nos a Malo...don’t forget that one day he will...”
“Deliver Us From Evil”

~fin~

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Tear In Your Hand- Tori Amos

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From:

seatbeltdrivein.livejournal.com

I have to admit, when I saw "knife play and incest" as the kinks, this is not at all what I was expecting! And yet, I really did like it. I can see where the use of religion will probably upset a few people, but it fits so well. Sirius was always a rebel, from what I can see in canon, and it makes perfect sense that he would scorn religion like this. But, as he is Sirius Black, of course he would take it one step further. Trading one God for another. Very sacrilegious, very true to character, and very well done. Excellent work! ♥

_{Okay, rambling over. Must get more caffeine.}

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