The Way To Blue part I

[eruditefics.livejournal.com]

Title: The Way To Blue
Author:  eruditefics 
My Own Prompt, this one
Kink Showcased: Hurt/Comfort
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Ron/Harry
Summary: Ron and Harry are just getting started with their relationship before Ron is taken during a mission. What results is something that threatens to tear them apart.
Warnings: Rape...mentioned, not really described. Ron goes through the ringer, so be warned. Seriously. Think Jamie Fraser..only less intense. Anal, Oral, Rimming etc...
Word Count: 13291
Author's Notes:  Thanks to my beta Deathjunke! Wonderful speed! Also, marguerite_26 you are AMAZING for making this fest and being so patient. And if you're going to flame...just don't.

Can you now recall all that you have known?
Will you never fall
When the light has flown?
Tell me all that you may know
Show me what you have to show
Won't you come and say
If you know the way to blue?

-Nick Drake

 

Hands down, this had been the best two months of Harry Potter's life. His best mate/flat mate, Ron, had finally told him one drunken night that he had feelings for him. Never one to turn down a dream come true, Harry jumped at the opportunity. He had loved Ron since that soaking wet embrace deep in the woods during their hunt for the horcruxes and it had only deepened in the years following the war. One dark night at the end of their auror training Ron had told Harry that he needed him, wanted him and loved him. Harry could hardly keep his heart from leaping out of his chest. Sure, things would be a little complicated at first, but with Ron, Harry felt like he was as near to invincible as he would ever be.

It was Sunday, but Harry woke up early to fix a bit of a fry-up for Ron before he headed out. It was Ron's turn to work the Sunday shift in the Auror department and he would be gone until well into the night. Harry tried to keep a sigh from escaping his lips, and thought back to last night. He and Ron had finally moved on from frottage and mutual hand-jobs to oral sex. Sure, it was all slow going, but considering they were both so new at this, it felt like a comfortable pace. Harry got to wake up next to Ron every morning, buried underneath his long limbs and pressed up against Ron's body and that was enough. He felt a shiver run down his spine at the memory of Ron's hands fisting in his hair as he pumped his mouth over Ron's long, thick cock. It was almost enough to make a bloke weak. When the image of Ron looking up at him, his lips stretched around Harry's throbbing erection and his hands firmly gripping his arse flooded Harry's mind, he thought he might have to sit down.

"Whoa there, I'm all about firewhiskey, but this early?" Ron said, coming up behind Harry and putting a hand on his waist when Harry felt his knees wobble a bit.

"Just, well…um…thinking about last night," Harry said, his cheeks turning bright red. He chanced a glance over at Ron and he had become very red as well, the tips of his ears positively burning.

"Mmmm that was a good night, wasn't it?" Ron finally said, nipping affectionately at Harry's neck before picking up a piece of bacon from the plate on the counter.

Chewing loudly, Ron came up behind Harry again, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist, his long, hard body pressing deliciously against Harry's. Maybe going slow hadn't been such a good idea…

"Thanks for making this," Ron whispered, kissing slowly up and down Harry's neck and jaw. His hand crept up under Harry's thin tee shirt and toyed with the waist of his jeans. Harry let out a groan in the back of his throat.

"Oh gods, Ron…you have to go real soon," Harry groaned.

"Put a preservation charm on the food and turn around," Ron growled, pulling Harry's back roughly against him.

"Yes," Harry whispered, reaching for his wand.

“Weasley! Get in here now!" A voice came from the floo. Harry knew that it was head-auror Ridgley, without even looking. Harry and Ron both ran quickly into the sitting room.

"Sir?" Ron said, crouching in front of the fire.

"We've got a bit of a situation and since you're on call in a few anyway, we need you in here. We found Rookwood's hideout and it's a doozy," Ridgley said. Harry could feel the angry tension in Ron's body radiate at the sound of the Deatheater's name. The man who killed his brother had finally been found.

"Let me get my boots," Ron said darkly.

"Do you need me?" Harry said, anxious that Ron would be doing this without him.

"Kingsley would have my hide if you worked any more overtime. We'll call you in if we need reinforcements," Ridgley said, trying to give Harry a reassuring glance.

Ron showed back up, magically lacing his boots and throwing a jumper over his head. Ridgley cleared out of the floo to let Ron through. Ron grabbed a handful of floo powder, but promptly dropped it back in the pot. He turned and met Harry's eyes for a moment, determination tinged with regret showing all over his face. He gripped the back of Harry's neck and kissed him tenderly, his face red again as he pulled back. He looked at him shyly and whispered "Love You," before grabbing the powder and shouting "Ministry of Magic!"

"Love you too," Harry called back into the flames.

A few hours later, Ginny came over and had some tea with Harry, eagerly eating Ron's unfinished bacon and eggs. Her appetite could rival Ron’s some days. Harry was glad he had Ginny and was grateful for her logical attitude and calm demeanor. She understood him, understood why they broke up and wasn't even surprised when he had told her he was in love with her brother. She was the second person he told, the first being Hermione, though having her confront him after she put all the pieces together wasn't really telling her so much as it was confirming her theory. He loved Ginny in his own way and talked to her nearly every day.

Suddenly, a silvery spider monkey descended from the ceiling and swung upside down from the fan by its tail.

"It's Ron…the mission has gone badly and they've got him. There are more powerful wards here than we've ever encountered. We can't get anywhere near it!" Seamus' voice rang out from the small whimsical mouth of the monkey, in a tone that was grave despite the position of his patronus.

"Oh god," he heard Ginny's voice groan as Harry leapt up to grab his cloak and boots.

‘My Ron, My Ron, My Ron,’ was playing through Harry's mind like a mantra. He couldn't hear anything besides the thundering heartbeat in his ears. His entire body was strung wire tight as he leapt up the stairs of Grimmauld Place two at a time. In no time, he was back and grabbing a fistful of floo powder.

"Harry!" Ginny shouted and Harry jumped, just remembering she was there.

"I'll send a patronus as soon as I know something. Don't tell your mum yet, no need to panic anyone else," Harry said, jumping into the fireplace and flooing immediately to the Ministry.

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Harry hadn't slept in three days. His mind is wholly focused on one thing and one thing only: Getting Ron out of this bloody house. Rookwood and his cronies had been holed up in there for days and while the wards had been weakening, the best minds in Britain hadn’t been able to break through them. Some sort of ancient magic pulsed through the fields, making it impossible to pass through to the house. Harry wonders how much longer they can keep it up…he wonders how much longer he'd be able to stand.

The image of Ron, alone, scared and trapped kept him going. It spurred him on beyond the pain in his muscles, the strain of his body and the overwhelming need to fall down and sleep right there in the dew-covered grass. Harry slashed his wand maniacally against the shimmering gold of the wards, his thoughts desperate and unraveling the powerful magic. He heard someone exclaim somewhere to his right and saw the wards blink once, twice and fade away.

Bill Weasley jumped up and down, a scroll in one hand and his wand in the other. Harry knew that it was a good idea getting Ron's family involved. The collective talent and power in that large brood was always good use in a pinch. And after everything that happened, Kingsley could hardly say no to it. Ginny and George joined Bill on the front lines, with Percy organizing the shifts of the Ministry employees fighting. Molly and Arthur stayed home, the latter comforting the former in her distraught state. She would never be able to handle losing another child, especially one so young.

Harry's feet moved as fast as he'd ever felt them, pounding against the slatted wooden floors of the house. He followed the cries of the aurors down the rough concrete stairs into the basement, ignoring the fight around him in hopes that he would see Ron. He did find Ron, in a far corner of the damp, dank room, the sight made bile rise in his throat and the entire body felt immensely cold and on fire all in the same breath.

Ron's pale body was naked, covered in deep, bloody wounds. He was huddled into a far corner, shadowed in darkness if not for the light of the curses being cast. There were chains around his wrists and ankles, anchoring him to the floor and wall. He was shaking, his back to the room and his entire back had been slashed over and over again, and skin hanging in the bloody opened wounds. Harry ran toward Ron, his body going numb and his own limbs trembling, casting a spell to free Ron from the chains. Ron hit the dirty ground with a sickening thud, curling in on himself and still facing the wall.

"Ron!" Harry cried out, rushing toward him. When he was a few feet away, Harry hit something hard and flew backwards in the air, landing roughly on the cement ground.

Ron began to tremble even more, repeating, "No more…please…no more," in a pathetic wail. Harry rushed at him again, trying to take down whatever wards were hindering him, only to find that it was Ron casting them. Despite not having his wand, Ron had somehow cast a ward around himself, not letting anyone near him. Harry kept shouting his name, pleading with him, but he couldn't get through. Hot tears coursed down his face as the battle around him began to quiet.

"He's blocking us!" Ridgley shouted, swiping his wand across Ron's wards.

With Rookwood and the five other men tied up and sent off to the Ministry, everyone was moving slowly toward the scene in the corner. Ginny and Bill flanked Harry, while Percy came up along the side and ran a diagnostic over the wards. All of the other aurors were making their way over, their faces a mix of horror and morbid curiosity. When Ron's magic finally flickered away, everyone surged forward.

"Don't touch me! Go away! No more!" Ron yelled, his voice ripping in his throat.

"Everyone out!" Kingsley shouted and the Ministry employees all immediately apparated away, leaving Bill, George, Percy, Ginny and Harry with Kingsley.

Harry rushed forward again, whispering Ron's name, his hands reaching out in desperation to touch and comfort him. "Don't fucking touch me!" Ron shouted and Harry was shoved back by Ron's emotional magic. Harry could almost feel his heart breaking, could feel the panic rising in his chest. What had they done to Ron? What was going on in Ron's mind? Harry wasn't sure he could handle the answer.

Bill tried moving forward next, saying Ron's name gently and walking with light steps. "Please don't hurt me!" Ron began to whimper and shake, even over Bill's soothing words. Bill moved back slowly until Ron's shaking stopped.

Harry heard a loud sniffle to his right and saw Ginny frantically wiping her face. In the next second, Ginny's face had taken on a blank but gentle look and she took her shoes off. She padded toward Ron slowly, her socked feet barely making a sound on the concrete floor. She signaled to everyone else to stay back, Harry rose to his feet but kept close to Kingsley. Slowly, Ginny crouched down and eventually kneeled next to the trembling Ron.

"Ronnie," Ginny said, her voice like a soft bell in the dank echoes of the room.

"No, Gin! Don't let them get you too!" Ron suddenly shouted, turning abruptly only to cry out in pain at the movement.

Harry stepped forward and met Ron's eyes, bloodshot and wide, his pupils dilated. Ron's eyes kept darting around the room and he began to shake and panic once more. He looked back at Harry and let out a pathetic cry, pressing his head against his knees.

"Shhhhh, Ron, its okay," Ginny said, touching his head softly.

"Don't let them see…get them away," Ron said, so quietly Harry almost didn't hear it. Ginny looked up at Kingsley and he nodded.

"It's just you and me. I'll be here. I want to wrap you up. Can I do that, Ronnie?" Ginny said soothingly. She conjured a blanket and wrapped it carefully around Ron, wincing in time with him as the linen hit his wounds. "I'm not going anywhere, it's just you and me."

Harry jumped as Kingsley grasped his elbow gently. He shook is head frantically when Kingsley raised his wand. He needed to stay by Ron! He needed to make sure Ron was okay. Why would anyone take him away right now? Harry's mind was a confused mass and all he could think about was Ron. "No…Ron…no," Harry said, though his voice only allowed a whisper to get through.

"He's in a very traumatic state and Ginny seems to be the only one he's responding to. Let her get him to St. Mungo's. Go with Percy and wait at The Burrow. There will be updates very soon." Kingsley said, immediately apparating Harry away from that basement-- away from his Ron.

By the time Harry arrived at The Burrow, he couldn’t stand anymore. The entire ordeal caught up with him and the pain at seeing Ron in that state was slowly eating away at him. Harry was sure his insides were hollow now, as everything he ever felt for Ron increased and turned into fire inside of him. He collapsed onto the scrubbed wood table, everything going black as he heart Molly screeching his name.

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"Harry…Harry, wake up. You need to eat something," A very high, insistent voice was ringing too close to his ears. Harry's head was throbbing, his body ached, but he was engulfed in warmth and sweet smells that could only mean he was at The Burrow. One more deep breath and the past few days came rushing back to him. Harry shot straight up, knocking Hermione off of the bed.

"Ron!" He yelled, frantically searching the room for him.

"He's still at St. Mungo's, Harry. Come on…you haven't eaten in days. That pain in your head, that's from lack of nutrients. Now sit up, it's just a bit of oatmeal and toast," Hermione said, very matter-of-factly.

"Is he alright?" Harry croaked, meeting her worried gaze. There were dark circles around her eyes and her skin was pallid.

"He'll be okay…physically…oh, don't look at me like that! I'll explain more after you eat. Though I'm sure you'll want to vomit once you hear it all too…" Hermione finished in a quivering voice.

Harry looked down at the food laid out on a tray in front of him and was suddenly ravenous. He didn’t want to eat. Not until he saw Ron tearing into a large meal with gusto again. However, his baser instincts won out and Harry found himself devouring the sweet, warm cereal. He ate every slice of toast and even downed his pumpkin juice in record time. The food did nothing to soothe him, but he could feel his head only throbbing dully now. He reached up and felt a very large lump on his forehead.

"That's from when you passed out on the table," Hermione explained. "You had a mild concussion, but Molly fixed you up well. That's why you slept for so long."

"How long?" Harry said, suddenly worried that Ron would wonder why he wasn't next to him.

"Two days," Hermione said, vanishing away his dishes.

"What!? I need to see Ron right now! He needs me!" Harry shouted, struggling to get out of his bedclothes.

"Harry, stop"

"Where in the bloody hell are my jeans?" Harry said, looking around frantically.

"Harry, sit down."

"I need to get to him!" Harry said, shocked that Hermione could tell him to stay still at a time like this.

"He doesn't want to see you," Hermione said, her voice sounding small and fearful.

"What?" Harry said, stopping dead in his tracks.

"He won't see much of anyone beyond his healer and Ginny. Molly managed a small talk, but then he was too distraught and ashamed and begged her to leave," Hermione said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Why would he be ashamed? It was six to one, he could have never gotten past them all!" Harry said, putting a hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione cried, wrapping her arms around him. The way she was sobbing, he knew there was more.

"Hermione, why doesn't he want me there?"

"He said he can't bear to look at you. Merlin, Harry, he won't even see his Mum!" Hermione said, her hands shaking.

Harry sank further into the mattress, letting Hermione's hand slip out of his grip. Ron couldn’t bear to look at him because he was ashamed. That thought suddenly twisted at Harry like a knife: The way he found Ron, the way Ron curled in on himself and screamed when anyone came near him…it was more than your garden variety Death Eater torture. Aurors had tools to get through that if they had to. They did something else to Ron. Harry thought back to his beautiful body, naked and bloody, shaking on the dirty floor and he suddenly did want to vomit.

"They…they…to Ron…" Harry began to murmur.

"They did! They knew about you two living together and they just tortured it out of him. They got into his mind and found out how much he loved you…and they…well, they had a lot of fun with the fact that he liked men," Hermione said, her face leaning toward the waste bin in a preemptive action. "I can't believe that Ridgley arsehole made him retell the whole fucking thing!"

It took all of Harry's strength to keep his stomach calm. He didn’t want to have to eat again. He couldn't stand the thought at this point. His fingernails dug into his palms until he drew blood. Rage coursed through him, it was his default emotion, reserved for when all of the others could find no footing in his mind. Harry sat next to Hermione, trying to calm his breathing, trying to get his bearings. He focused on her last statement.

"Ridgley has seen him? He went into his hospital room?" Harry said in disbelief. Why would Ron agree to see Ridgley and not his Mum?

"Ron didn't want him to and the healers advised against it, but Ridgley insisted and used his power of law to get in there and question Ron. Ginny said Ron was inconsolable afterwards. He didn’t want anyone to know, now most of the aurors and all of his family know." Hermione answered, the rage tinting her own voice.

"Fucking bastard! I will fucking have his job!" Harry leapt up, thankful for an outlet to direct all of his energy at.

"Please, Harry, don't draw any more attention to Ron. He's healed, but he's barely moved from his bed. He needs to be able to come back from this," Hermione said, her deep brown eyes looking up at him desperately.

Harry sat back down and began to cry in earnest. He ached to hold Ron, to make it all go away and Ron couldn't stand to see him. Harry wished he could have taken down the wards sooner. He felt weak and useless and guilty for any pain Ron could ever feel. If he could just wrap Ron in his arms…he could make it okay. He felt Hermione's body press up against his and he held tightly to her and to the glimmer of hope that Ron would want to see him soon.

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It had been one month since Ron had been raped, tortured and left near death in the dark basement.

It had been one month since Harry had even met Ron's eyes, let alone heard his voice.

Ginny gave Harry regular updates on Ron’s condition ever since he had moved back to the burrow. Ron became a rumor to Harry, a flash of bright orange hair in the halls at work and a lingering presence in all of his dreams.  Ever since the day Harry came home from work and all found all of Ron’s things gone and a note with three of the most miserable words Harry had ever seen he’s felt empty.

I just can't.

 

Ron had come back to work, though he was on desk duty and seeing a mind healer twice a week. Kingsley told Harry that he should see a healer too, but Harry couldn't. Nothing was wrong with him, he would be better when Ron was better. Harry only ever saw the back of Ron's head, only heard whispers of him. Ron did his best to avoid Harry and Ron's best was something no one could rival when he put his mind to it. Every day hurt worse and worse, as the hole inside of Harry got bigger.

What did those men take from Ron? Would he ever love Harry again? Would he ever love anyone that way? The questions ate at Harry and the only answer he had was a small shake of the head from Hermione every time he tried to figure it out.

Eventually, Harry couldn't take the idle despair anymore and he asked for a meeting with Kingsley. He needed to do something.

"Harry, what do I owe the pleasure?" Kingsley asked jovially, but with a very concerned look on his face that he hid poorly.

"I want Ridgley gone," Harry said darkly.

"He's your superior. You just can't say he needs to be fired. If he's done you a disservice, file a formal complaint," Kingsley said, that look on his face only serving to annoy Harry further.

"You know very well what he did! Questioning a victim of trauma like that! He should have been sacked!" Harry shouted, his magic beginning to vibrate around the room.

"Actions were taken, Harry. Please, calm down." Kingsley said, the picture of calm amongst Harry's storming magic.

"Actions my arse! He's still here!" Harry said. "I want him gone!"

"And what makes you so special?" Kingsley said, without an ounce of vitriol.

"I…I…"

"You said you wanted no special treatment in exchange for joining the aurors. I'm sure when you're thinking straight, you'll respect my decision not to give you any," He said, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder. What Kingsley said made perfect sense, but Harry wasn't taking it. He couldn't just do nothing anymore.

 He pounded out of Kingsley's office and right over to where Ridgley was filing some paperwork near the Auror desks. Without bothering with the formality of words, Harry swung and punched the shocked looking man straight across the jaw, knocking him flat in one blow. Then got on top of him and kept punching and punching until he was pulled off  by very strong hands. He heard screaming and only vaguely noted it was his before it caught in his throat.

Standing there, pale and shocked, was Ron. His enthralling eyes locked on Harry in a watery stare. As Harry was dragged away, he saw Ron sag with sadness and turn in the other direction.

Harry was let off with a warning and a promise to see a mind healer before returning to regular duties. Harry took the punishment gratefully, feeling like a fool as the vision of Ron's sad eyes swam in and out of his conscious thoughts. The next day, he met with the Ministry's resident mind healer, acutely aware that this woman also talked to Ron.

"I will tell you right now, I can't discuss Mr. Weasley's case with you," Healer Davis said without preamble. Harry shrugged his shoulders miserably, feeling as defeated as Ron looked.

The healer just looked at him, the owlish gaze made Harry feel like he wanted to explode.

"He won't even look at me! I love him so much! We were just…we had just figured it all out. Now, I can't even hold him. I can't comfort him. What the hell am I supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt him, but it hurts so bad to even think of him in pain," Harry said, everything suddenly flooded out of him now that he was in a quiet room with Healer Davis.

She crossed her legs, leaning on them and looked at Harry with soft green eyes. He thought they looked so much like the color of pine, that he expected her irises to take a tree shape.

"I can't say much, but just give it time…give him time," She said quietly.

"All the while I'm doing nothing. I'm just some worthless berk who goes around yelling at friends and beating up superiors! I feel like I'm lost without him. Why can't I do anything for him?" Harry said miserably.

"There's nothing…nothing but time for you and a lot his own demons to work out. We can work on some calming exercises, work on channeling your energy and viewing your relationship with him in another light. I'd like to help you if you let me," She said, her hand touching the arm of her chair gently, as though she were comforting him. Oddly enough, Harry did feel comforted. "And by the way, you can call me Audrey."

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Part II

Part III

Comments

[marguerite-26.livejournal.com]

YAY! I'm thrilled you got a chance to post. :D
You are very welcome, but really vaysh11 and I have been having too much fun with this fest to let it stress us at all. ♥